Circles

"Could you pass me the butter please, Anjana?"

"Sure. Here you go", replied Anjana, "This takes me back, you know... Varun used to love spreading butter all over his bread using the knife. He used to do it so methodically. And he'd give me half of it even though he absolutely hated sharing his food with someone."

Her friends exchanged a worried glance among themselves. This was getting out of hand. It was six months already and she still hadn't gotten over the piece of shit boyfriend who cheated on her with her ex-best friend. They wondered how she was able to forgive him for that and how she was still waiting for him even though he was together with her ex-best friend. This had gone on too long now. Somebody had to say something. Maybe she needed an intervention. The others signaled Anu to muster up the courage and tell her what the whole gang thought. Anu shrugged, suggesting that it'd be better if someone else took up the job.

While her friends were busy trying to decide who the best person to talk to her would be, Anjana had been mulling over the letter she had written to Varun, as a last ditch effort to get him back into her life. She still hadn't fully made up her mind about wanting him back. Confused, she started reading it again, for the sixth time now. 

"Heyy. I know we haven't seen each other, or even talked, in a long time... but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I want you to know that I miss you. Not like "I regret what happened" or even "I want to see you again." Just... "I miss you." Full stop. It's strange to think that someone I used to know so well is now a total stranger... that I sometimes go entire days without thinking of you even a little. Most of the time, I let myself forget, because it's easier. But then I find something... an old letter,  or the dress that you gifted me, or a picture you drew, slipped in the pages of a book I haven't read in years... and the full weight of what's been lost comes crashing down on me. But this isn't regret. We had reasons for ending it, and they're as valid as ever... but back at the start we didn't need reasons for anything. It all just happened. We didn't have common interests, or similar goals... we didn't even really get along that well. But we didn't need a reason to fall in love. We just did. The reasons came at the end, and everything that's happened since has been all about the reasons. And that's good. It means one day I might find someone I won't have to say goodbye to. But a part of me misses just loving someone, and knowing they love you back, and that's all. I guess what I'm saying is, I hope things are good with you. I hope everything is great. I hope you found a love that's all the things ours couldn't be. and I hope I find that too. But a small part of me hopes that you still remember what it was like before all the reasons... and that you miss me, too." 

Anjana had slipped into her fairy tale universe where she was still waiting for Varun to come back to her life(realizing her true love for him of course) when Anu interrupted her.

"Are you all right, Anjana?" asked Anu.

She was startled by the sudden interruption from Anu, but tried to reply nonchalantly, "What? Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You know, one of the perks of being through thick and thin with you for the past 3 years is that I can tell when you're lying and when you're upset. Right now, you're both. All of us have kept mum until now because we thought we'd give you some space to deal with things on your own. But clearly you haven't been able to do that and we are not sure if you'll ever be able to." 

Anjana suddenly fell silent. She thought she had been hiding all the pain behind her beautiful smile so well until now. She realized now that her friends had seen through it. All of them now had their eyes on her. They didn't recognize who she had become. She had a become a mere shadow of her former self ever since the breakup.

Seeing that Anjana still wasn't going to open up, Anu continued "Listen Anjana, all of us want to help you in any way we can. This has been going on for a while now- you associating everything with Varun. Is that water? Varun used to love drinking water. Or Varun used to love this dress of mine... Varun this... Varun that... And frankly, it's getting a wee bit annoying. You should stop relating everything around you to some memory of your cheating ex-boyfriend. If it was up to me, I wouldn't even be able to forgive him for what he did. But that's not the kind of person that you are. You are too forgiving and too kind for your own good. Clearly you aren't over him and you've somehow found a way to blame yourself for the breakup even though it was completely his fault."

"I know, but...", she said, with tears starting to form in her eyes.

"There's no but. You have to face it someday. Better sooner than later. He's not coming back. You should forget about him. You'll be okay, eventually. Trust me on that. Time will heal your broken heart, but only if you let it."

Anjana couldn't hold back her pain anymore. She had broken into a sob. All the emotions that she had been bottling up inside was finally finding their way out. Once she had cried her eyes out, she started to feel hopeful. She told them, "I know it's hard to wait around for something that might never happen, but you have to understand that it's even harder to give up when it's everything you've ever wanted." Those were the first brutally honest words that came out of her mouth in a long long time. But somehow she felt happier once she'd said it out loud. She had been suffering all alone up until now. But she didn't have to anymore. She looked around and saw all of her friends right there with her. They didn't say anything but she knew they'd be with her no matter what.

"See that's where you're wrong. I wouldn't say you're completely wrong. You're almost right.", Anu continued, "He WAS everything you've ever wanted, but not anymore. You'll find someone who is gonna think that YOU'RE everything he's ever wanted. But it's not gonna be him. I'm not gonna lie to you. The future is scary. But you just can't keep running back to the past, because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting, but it's a mistake."

"Thank you, Anu. I think I am finally starting to be true to myself. Thank you for helping me get over him." A small but genuine smile broke on her face for the briefest of seconds. She had finally started to recover and was on the way to be herself again, by letting go of her past and not worrying about it anymore.

"But there's something I have to do first", she continued, "Or else I'm not gonna have closure."

The others looked on as she took out her phone and deleted the letter she had written earlier, shortly before deleting all of his contact details from her phone. She went on to Facebook and unfriended him. It was exactly at that moment destiny decided to step in. Because that's when she stumbled upon the following in her Facebook feed.

After a long time, she felt happy again. She felt as if someone was looking after her. Little did she know that that someone was destiny. She also didn't know that destiny was just going to gift her the best night of her life. That's the funny thing about destiny. It happens whether you planned it or not.